Witnessing my gal pal breaking up with her guy was distressing. the blues, the tears, the sorrows.. It wasn't easy comforting both parties. And it's always a tough decision whether to remain friends with an ex. Complicated? definitely..
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Enough said.. bemused, and I'm recollecting the past; my past. Love is always like a raging-hot starburst of extravagant emotionalism and it will facilely go downhill when not handled properly.
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My personal experience with 2 ex boyfriends.
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When I was younger, breaking up wasn't hard to do. I was 16 then and perhaps of the age factor, I doubt the "love" I was experiencing at that time was "Love" at all. It was the then, norm- puppy love.. Thus, breaking up was easy and we moved on pretty much quickly.
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As I grew older, the bad breakup experience I had wasn't about me it was more about the guy. He was younger. It was a break up that was emotionally heart-wrenching and a turmoil that builds up rage. As it was then the first time I truly given my heart to someone and he shattered it to a million pieces. It's the dreaded four-word phrase-" Can we be friends?" It's a classic break-up line, but it's also an issue that must be faced when a relationship hits the rocks. In reality, the questions ought to be - should we be friends?
It's true that when a person leaves, he or she will take a piece of you with him/her.
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Enough of my ramblings.. here are 3 posts written at the saddest point of my life, a grave full of memories;
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thursday, august 31,2006
A Part of Me Died When I let You Go... I was young but I wasn't naive I watched helpless as you turned around to leave And still I have the pain I have to carry A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried After all this time I never thought we'd be here Never thought we'd be here When my love for you was blind But I couldn't make you see it Couldn't make you see it That I loved you more than you'll ever know A part of me died when I let you go I would fall asleep Only in hopes of dreaming That everything would be like it was before But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor ... --My Shadows has landed-- Thursday, August 31, 2006" . . Wednesday, August 30, 2006 Silent Nights and Solitary Days.. Ever felt lonely? Yes that's right.. The feeling of loneliness sucks..Loneliness is not the abscence of faces. It is the absence of intimacy. Loneliness doesn't come from being alone; it comes from feeling alone. Feeling as if you are... perhaps.. facing death alone? facing diseases alone? facing the future alone."I feel so alone, does anyone care?" Bags of loneliness shows up everywhere.. They litter the floors of pubs and clubs.
We drag them into parties and usually drag them back out. You'll spot them near the desk of the studious overworker, beside the table of the overeater, and on the night stand of the one night stand. As humans, we'll try anything to unload our loneliness. This one is one bag that we want to drop quickly.When u're lonely, you do the same in life.. pulling stuffs off the shelf, not because you need it, but because you are hungry for L.O.V.E. ...
And why so? Because we fear facing life alone. For fear of not fitting in, we take drugs..(There goes drug addicts). For fear of standing out, we wear the clothes... For fear of going unnoticed, we dress to seduce or to impress (there goes the shopaholic) For fear of sleeping alone, we sleep with anyone (there goes the"one-night-standers"). For fear of not being loved, we search for love in all the wrong places... As the saying goes.. "But all that changes when we discover God's perfect love. And perfect love cast out fear".Loneliness.. Could it be one of the finest gift? To make one learn to grow? Say.. learn to be more independent? or mature? If a season of solitude is His way to teach you to hear his song, don't you think it's worth it?So do I.
To my Dear Sweet pixie Fangwen, one day when you do feel lonely do remember me.. though there are a couple of emotional troubles that are hard for me to digest at this point of my life... I'll still and will be.. There for you... --My Shadows has landed--Wednesday, August 30, 2006 . . Wednesday, August 30, 2006 I wish.. I hope.. I ponder.. So much over it.. This is the day when I saw you once again..With them.. Or should I say, with her.. I felt it was normal..For you to hang out with them.I felt perfectly fine.. But what I know was a different story.I heard her picture was in your phone as a display.. I chose to give you the benefit of doubt.But to my avail, things are pointing to the wrong direction..
Time & time, I saw you guys together..And each time when I saw you, you never fail to look flustered. I know that there's another guy around.. But so what?Yes! "Pearlyn, YOU SHOULDN'T JUMP INTO CONCLUSION"NO "Pearlyn YOU SHOULDN'T PONDER SO MUCH OVER IT,YOU GUYS HAVE BROKEN UP!" - Thats what i always tell myself..
But hey.. I've not move on.I don't wanna add on to your stress.. But right now, you are adding on to mine..Your so icey attitude towards me is so hard for me to bear. At least, at the very very least..Tell me, what's on your mind..Are you in love with her? I'm so, so afraid that I'll fall into depression..Till now, I still hope and wish and pray that 1 day you'll come back for me..That the 3 months is still on.Is our 1 year 3 months relationship over just like that?At this point I feel betrayed by you..I don't hate you Darling..I hate myself for loving you.. much too much.. .--My Shadows has landed--Wednesday, August 30, 2006
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And these ordeals made me realise how fragile L-O-V-E is. It was a whirlwind experience that made grew up. Becoming a much much mature laydee as days go by. Knowing what I want and knowing what I need in the different pace of my life. Well, after all its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all right?
Pearlyn -A passionate bubbly 19 yr old, who loves to love and believes in Love, blissful, chilling, travelling, sorting life out, just like a star,Partying, chilling, music, movies, roller blading, dining, meeting lovely people, gorgeous beach, tuning to the bizarre skyline, SIA flight stewardess, pilots, airports, new experiences, reading, lips, eys, vainty fair, cheesecakes, sputnik sweetheart, freedom, beauty junkie, God, people who love Jesus, New creation church, hillsong united, hillsong london, hillsong australia, sunrise, sunset, spunky sunglasses, lovely hair accessories, vibrant colours, waves, smiles, tears, that 1 man who makes me smile (who??), awesome people. and a girl in waiting to be a Flight Stewardess by the age of 20. Email: fantasygal_luv@hotmail.com
Pearlyn -A passionate bubbly 19 yr old, who loves to love and believes in Love, blissful, chilling, travelling, sorting life out, just like a star,Partying, chilling, music, movies, roller blading, dining, meeting lovely people, gorgeous beach, tuning to the bizarre skyline, SIA flight stewardess, pilots, airports, new experiences, reading, lips, eys, vainty fair, cheesecakes, sputnik sweetheart, freedom, beauty junkie, God, people who love Jesus, New creation church, hillsong united, hillsong london, hillsong australia, sunrise, sunset, spunky sunglasses, lovely hair accessories, vibrant colours, waves, smiles, tears, that 1 man who makes me smile (who??), awesome people. and a girl in waiting to be a Flight Stewardess by the age of 20. Email: fantasygal_luv@hotmail.com 
